Loss // Part 1

October is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month, I felt like this was the right time to share with other mothers dealing with this.

Loss...

It’s something I haven’t had to deal with much.

And more specifically never had to deal with miscarriage. 

I’ve had 3 healthy and normal pregnancies and even though I knew it was a possibility. I never thought it would happen to me. 

Then suddenly I was part of the 1 in 4. 

The moment I got my positive pregnancy test I was so overjoyed. Thinking about what life would be like with 4 little ones running around. How far apart in age Clara and this new baby would be. I was so excited and yet it didn’t seem real.  The line was faint. But still definitely there. So I decided before I got too excited (too late). I would test again in 2 days to see a darker line then I would feel more comfortable.

Two days pass. I test again. Stark negative. No second line. Not even a hint of one. The next day I began miscarrying. I was heartbroken. Even though I had told myself not to get too excited. I had, I had dreamed of what life would be like with this baby. Gender? Names? Announcement? Then everything was gone. 

I had what is called a chemical pregnancy. 

Which is basically a very very early miscarriage. 

I was pregnant.  But unfortunately not anymore. 

I’m not a very open person with my emotions. I don’t like talking about them. At least not to many people. But I know that going through this hard trial will bring me closer to God, John and hopefully be an opportunity to reach out to others. 

God's plan is perfect. Even if we don’t understand. God's way is the best way. Even when it’s hard. When you don’t know what the future holds. 

We only knew about you a few short days,

And then you were gone. 

But you will always be in our hearts, and we can’t wait to see you in heaven someday.
And you, No matter how small, are so very precious and special to us

Links

Youtube https://www.youtube.com/user/sesimeth1/videos

ThredUp http://www.thredup.com/r/PSKFAW

Instagram http://instagram.com/seschloneger